I have made many mistakes in my life and, I think some could have been potentially life-altering. In spite of my current station in life, I remember some of the mistakes that I have made but not even on the best days would I ever claim that I remember all. It is possible (no, it is definitely the case) that I made some mistakes that I may never even know I made. Of the ones that I know, the mistakes do not define me, and that is only by God’s grace and not a consequence of my human ingenuity.
But how is it possible that I would make mistakes that I did not know of? Well, there are many ways that that could have happened but much of it comes down to the Machiavellian complex that is inherent in all human beings; the feeling that the end justifies the means. Therefore, we do not always focus on our mistakes when our actions yield what others and we perceive as success. Instead, we tend to embrace and dwell on our successes and much less on the mistakes that we made along the way. Soon, those mistakes become very dim or inexistent in our memories, unless they were damaging to us in some way.
As I have thought about some mistaken or ill-advised actions in my life, I have wondered with humility and gratitude about the harmless outcomes because the story of my life could very well have been different. What if, for example, something bad happened to me as I walked home from wherever I had gone on numerous late nights in a small Nigerian town … at times too late for me to have been out alone on dark backstreets….walking home… alone… and vowing never to do that again, but repeating the same action the next day…and vowing again that I would never do that…all the while weaving for myself a web in which I had so quickly become tangled?
What, really, was the wisdom in me riding motorcycles at high speed as a teenager, without a helmet, even if at the time there was no law requiring the use of a helmet while riding a motorcycle? In neither of these instances did I violate any law. Yet, in each instance, I knew what was right but chose a course of action that, on the face of it, was fun-packed but, in reality, could have been potentially deadly.
Does the fact that these were deliberate actions change the reference to them as mistakes? No, because a mistake is by its very nature and definition a misguided or wrong action or judgment. Does the fact that I suffered no physical harm in any of those cases negate the fact that I unnecessarily placed myself in dangerous situations? I suppose not.
I think that, except for anyone who wishes to claim perfection, most of us have had times in our lives when we did things that, with the benefit of hindsight, we are not proud that we did. But what is the difference between those who escape mistaken acts unharmed and those who do not? How is it that some of us can get in and out of potentially dangerous situations while others remain in such situations in perpetuity; stuck in repetitive cycles of misery from which they look at a world that stays dark to them? Why do we make decisions and take actions that imprison us in our own minds? Why do we choose to make friends that are bad for us while we reject people that could potentially add value to our lives? Of what value is a friendship in which there is no exchange of happiness and contentment? Really…of what use is a romantic relationship whose only reward is pain? I do not expect to find much disagreement in stating that such relationships are worthless, that they are webs in which we get entangled and from which it can be immensely hard to break away unless one sets his/her mind to that goal. We know this; yet, we are constantly creating webs that we get trapped in.
This is true for individuals, for groups, families and nations. As individuals or as nations, we often get ourselves into financially tight corners because we choose to spend more than our means, forgetting the age-old belief of our elders that rainy days aren’t always so far removed from sunny days. We forget, after all, that it is the same bright blue sky that also holds the clouds that are the precursors of thunderstorms and sometimes cause severe damage. Therefore, countries become debtor-nations, unable to care for the needs of their citizens; and individuals become unable to afford even their most basic needs because hard times can be overwhelming in their tendency to be merciless. Debtor-nations continue to weave webs that take the form of more international borrowing, more corruption in the ranks of the political so-called elites and people close to them. It is always just a matter of time before the entire nation, including the innocent citizens, get caught up in the tangled webs woven by their leaders. Also, some individuals already traveling down the path of financial ruin, who are unable to pay their bills, continue to buy expensive items or find enough money to give to their pastors who sell unproven and tainted messages of hope rather than pay their bills with the money. In some cases, individuals already in financial trouble still find ways to finance expensive clothing to attend the next big party. By so doing, a web is woven and the cycles of the web continue to multiply. Then, in due course, their family members, including innocent children, get encumbered and swallowed up in the web that was woven.
We spend valuable money, energy and time on unproductive endeavors without seeming to have any plans to assess our performance, redirect our focus if necessary, or engage in activities that would place our lives on a clearer, more result-oriented and positive trajectory.
Often, those of us who attain measures of success become trapped by, and in our consciousness of our accomplishments and forget how fleeting life really is. So, the web gets woven, not by anyone else but by us; not because we don’t love ourselves but sometimes because we love ourselves so much that our pride gets in our way of seeing the most important things of life. Therefore, we weave webs made up of material and other things that satisfy our bodies but diminish the value of our souls, not thinking that there could be an unpleasant price to pay when the satisfaction wears out. Even when we realize where we are and know that we need to step out of the webs that we have woven, our pride stops us because we wonder what others might think or say about us. So we remain entangled. Sometimes we weave and remain entangled in our webs because we do not think hard enough. Instead, we suspend our thinking abilities or hand them over to other people who have convinced us that they know better than we know or have the power to save us from our imperfections because they are connected to a supernatural source.
Here is what I think: we often cannot get out of the webs that we create, largely because we were not supposed to create them in the first place. I also think that, for as long as we are human, for so long will the tendency and opportunities exist to weave new webs. Getting entangled in those webs is the challenge to avoid.
Thought provoking article. Do you think avoidance is reactionary or a deliberate intent…or perhaps both? From any perspective, the fruit of that avoidance will be inevitable. God's grace can get us through. No matter what the fruit bears, there are always life lessons to learn from. The question then is how do we employ the life lessons to make a positive impact. Thanks for this article!
Thank you.
Thank you.
As always, a masterpiece .
Good piece! Well artilulated and straight to the point.